Metaversity

In my line of work, I find people make assumptions about me all the time.  That is, in my day job and in my "after hours" job.  "Oh, here we go", I hear you say as you try to predict what I am going to say next.  You will be forgiven for thinking this is just another tart writing her memoir - Or blogging, as you wrap your chops around that seemingly dirty word in literary-pseudo-intellectual circles (aka boring).  Well, I am not a tart, not a writer, probably not even a true blogger (whatever that means).  I don't exist.  I only exist in a virtual world.  I am an avatar.  I live a lie, or is it really the true me - Shielded in safety by pixels and the false sense of security that cyber space affords me.

None of that is true.  My two lives are room-mates.  I am just an avatar, interrupted.

Why would anyone need two lives if their real life is giving them everything they want.  Show me one person who is getting everything they want out of their real life and I will show you a liar.  Globally, people are twittering, pissing about on farm games on popular social networking sites (how many times do I need to accept a virtual gift or enter into some fucked up vampire war anyway).  A virtual life does not have to be a 3D metaverse to be virtual.  Internet snobbery always makes me smile.  I blame the media.  Not everyone wants to get their virtual rocks off or be the next scripted prim penis zillionaire (although the latter would be nice).

Sometimes I get fed up of life happening to me and having to go along with the flow because circumstances permit no other way.  To me it feels perfectly natural to take the control back.  Be it for 5 minutes, or for 5 hours.  I always have a virtual escape route planned.

So, am I going to become a kinky dominatrix after the 9 to 5 is over or maybe I get my kicks from a supper time menage a trois.  The truth is it really doesn't matter what I am when I can be anything I want to be.  In any week I can fulfil a number of roles but primarily I am a virtual nightclub owner and sometime sex columnist (the funny thing being I have no virtual sex).

I know my role is a strange choice when I can be anything I want to be but it was never a career path I planned.  Much like real life I tend to fall into my jobs while waiting for something better to come along.  I have been waiting over 4-years for the next opportunity in real life but with a mortgage to pay I had to learn to scratch my itch virtually instead.

It would be easy to make the assumption that I am a wallflower in real life, practically mute with a lady moustache.  Last time I looked, that is not the case.  Nor am I a computer geek, although I am starting to get the appeal since the emergence of the internet, for pretty obvious reasons.  The truth is, I get bored of the day-to-day stuff I do to put food on the table and don't have the money to spend every night in the pub so I get my entertainment in other ways.  While you are glued to Corrie or your XBox I am sitting at my desk DJing at a virtual event or shooting a machinima video for the Pixel Pussies You Tube Channel, among other things.  With two virtual weddings on the horizon, my social calendar is getting full and it isn't even Christmas party season yet.  That is usually when my two lives collide and real life has to win.

I can see some of you moving to navigate away from this page when you realise I am not the Belle De Jour of the metaverse.  Well, if the truth be told I have done that a couple of times.  The first time the man wanted to fist my avatar and take a virtual dump in my mouth and the second time the guy lost his net connection 15 minutes into a 30 minute booking and never returned.  I had a no refund policy.  Strangely enough he never asked for one.  I retired after that.  It was too tedious.

While dating in cyberspace has never truly been my cup of tea I did enjoy dating if I could write about it afterwards.  It started by accident and I suppose is what brings me here now in a perverse and slightly twisted way.  People watching in a virtual life is just as interesting as it is in real life.  In some ways it is far more interesting.  Many people use a virtual environment to explore their deepest and darkest fantasies because it feels "safe".  And the point is they do share.  Often they overshare.  People who exist in cyberspace often tell you very intimate things in an alarmingly short period of time because there is no barrier to overcome.  People feel they can be themselves.  Investigating virtual living is a fast track way of discovering what makes humans tick, and often finding out how kinky people really are.  What you consider normal shifts after being exposed to peoples inner selves over a sustained period of time.

If you are known to be a writer, or a columnist (compared to Carrie Bradshaw while I was writing Second Sex & The City for obvious reasons), you find people invariably become even more candid.  This can lead to some very quirky confessions...